Thank you for being patient during this un-expected break from blogging over the past week. I have been caught in a struggle- finding it hard to balance life and the way I think it should be. At times like these I don't believe that I have anything worthwhile to offer. The words don't come. I stare at my screen. At my home. At my hands. And I become deeply aware of my inadequacies. I wonder what I have to give- or even to say- to those around me.
Easter weekend and the days that followed have been full of those moments. As we reflected upon, and gave thanks for, the great gift which was given to us upon the cross by our Savior I felt deeply humbled. Greatly unworthy. Fully inadequate. Feelings of remorse over my own shortcomings and failures flooded my mind and trapped my spirit. Regardless of how many times I had heard it in the past, the idea that such an incredible promise could be given for someone like me was overwhelming.
On my own I am nothing.
I am living a life of grace and goodness.
Peace is found in surrender.
Beauty comes through brokeness.
I am made whole by his love.
These words I have spoken over and over. Yet in my weakest moments I forget. Light grows dim and the greatness of the giver is lost on me. I feel unworthy. Unfaithful. I feel like myself.