What keeps childhood alive?

It started churning in my head early Mother's Day morning.  This thought took over every part of my mind as children brought me handmade cards and kisses.  Chubby arms wrapping around my neck with fingers pressed into my hair.  

What keeps childhood alive?

We went on a family walk that afternoon.  Little ones skipped and danced across the green grass.  Happy squeals of laughter. Bliss.

My heart was warm with love and appreciation for life's gifts. And yet these moments, magical in their own right, lacked the charm and imagination of youth.  As I thought about my own life I began to question at which point holidays had lost their sparkle.  Relationships had become difficult and life lessons grew harsh.  My answer was 11.  

That seems awfully early.

So I ask friends.

All their answers are the same.

It was at 11 that I realized life was hard.  I recognized parental arguments.  Began to question my place on this earth.  Age 11 was when I started to ask the hard questions and wrestle with my future.

I watch my daughters duck and run beneath the sprinkler in our backyard.  They stop to admire the rainbow which water casts into the air. They hold hands and tell stories.  They are full of youthful fantasies.

How can I make this moment last?

Comments

[Laura]

Monica said "teach them to savor it" but really... I think that misses the point--they relish in it, they savor it... that is their default and I would never even say "savor this moment" because that might even hint to them that it won't last, that it is momentary. I think more than anything, our job is to keep the illusion of forever alive until they themselves accept it, because let's be real: they already KNOW by age 6 or 7. The difference is in their FOCUS, and it's only in adolescence etc that people's focus shifts, that our bodies change and we CHOOSE to put out attention in matters that are no less beautiful but far less fun.

I knew as a four year old about heartbreak and sadness in a very real and deep way. I saw kids whose parents were not loving. I saw the one kid who got teased, and I stood up for him and became his only friend. I was the only friend for a lot of kids. Was I aware? Sure. Did it stifle my joy? Not for a second. The trick, I think, is let them CHOOSE when to be mad in love, mad in anger, mad in fierce dedication, and mad in completely serene harmony. All states are madness because in reality, the serene one with nature that I had was a crazy hippie way of life--I was mad, crazy mad, to people who were disgruntled. When I dove into volunteering, I was mad with the fierce dedication that made me soon mad-angry that people volunteered me without my permission. They're just as complex as us, and they have glimpses of just about everything unless you TOTALLY shelter them, but their imaginations and their perspectives allow them to choose jubilation.

As parents, it's our duty to keep them SAFE and to allow them to have one absolute force that is always on their side, always their protector and confidante... the one that they can absolutely be joyful and free and let their imaginations loose because of; if we take close care of them and let them choose when to feel whatever they feel, then they'll be happier. If they doubt US, then that's when they aren't able to be free and cheerful; that's when they ultimately have to guard themselves and when they feel restrictive. Parents who are there when kids need them but not overbearing are perfect in their kids' minds. Parents who aren't there never allow kids to feel safe, and kids who are always there never allow their kids to feel free. They need both, which means you did the perfect thing: watched from the distance, always there when they peeked over--whether you know it or not, they check on you, too!--but never THERE in their faces dictating their moves. Let them dance the way we envision, but don't force them to dance or they stiffen like music boxes, those eerie creepy ones that are more sad than happy.

That's my 2c.

[Monica]

I have goosebumps and tingles just envisioning the scene with your daughters.

I'm sure we all get a little jaded during adolesence and I'm not sure one can ever recapture it fully. But then, isn't that part of the ironic nature of becoming an adult? As adults, these moments are fleeting and seem fewer, but we have the capacity to feel deep gratitude for them.

The best way we can keep this alive is to teach our children to savour these moments. We can encourage them to revel, celebrate, and take full advantage of joyful moments as the opportunity presents itself.

Which is what you are doing. :)

[Rambling Heather]

Great question! If you figure out the answer, please let me know!